My level 5 relationship....
Before you read, let me just say that I've been relatively bored as of late...
When people say they're "taking a relationship to the next level," is that similar to leveling in Dungeons & Dragons? Like, a hug is worth 100 xp and a back rub is about 250...but how much decides the next level?
I've broken it down. If you want to know what level your relationships are, here's the key to some relationship-building acts:
Handshake= 10 xp
Hug=100 xp
Playful punch=100 xp
Tickling=150 xp
Backrub=250 xp
Kiss=300 xp
Deep kiss involving lots of tongue (eww)=500 xp
Holding hands=500 xp
Touchy-feely actions=300 xp
Foreplay=1000 xp
Sexual crap=2000 xp per act
*Note: For each repeat act of the above, the totals are cumulative, though there is a 5% decrease in xp value per repeat performance. The lowest value for any of these, despite level, is 1 xp.
For determining level, here is a breakdown:
1-1000 xp= level 1
1001-2000 xp= level 2
2001-3000 xp= level 3
3001-4500 xp= level 4
4501-6500 xp= level 5
6501-8500 xp= level 6
8501-10000 xp= level 7
10001-15000 xp= level 8
15001-20000 xp= level 9
20001-30000 xp= level 10
Each continuing level is a 10,000 xp difference.
*Note: It is not a serious relationship until level 5 is reached.
**Note: It is ill-advised to pursue marriage before reaching level 10.
***Final note: There are actions that cause you to lose experience...and possibly levels:
Kiss another person= -100 xp
Punch partner in the face, for no good reason= -1000 xp
Stand up partner= -500 xp
Perform weird, fetish-like sexual acts on partner, like pooping on his/her chest= -4000 xp....but....if they LIKE it, it's +5000 xp.
Sleep with someone other than partner= -30000 xp, unless you're swingers.
Hang out with ex-partner= -400 xp, no matter what
Forget anniversary, or other similarly pointless event= -250 xp
Kill someone= -1 level
Fart in the presence of partner= -10 xp, unless you're into that type of thing.
Do anything uncool= -100 xp
Kill yourself through ritual suicide= -20 levels
Optional rule: There are also items in life that can give you bonuses (or negatives) to all of the above point values:
Cool sunglasses: + 1% xp
Make-up: +10% xp
A sweet car: +20% xp
A shitload of money: +20% xp
Nice clothes: +5% xp
Cologne/Perfume: +5% xp
So...the next time somebody asks you "How long have you been together?," you can just use this formula to determine your level. It's much easier to say "I'm in a level 8 relationship," rather than toiling over figuring out how long you've been together.
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