Calthine's Advice to Men - or - Why Women Get Mad at LFG - Page 3

Kiara · 01-03-2007, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Calthine

People need to learn the ability to just walk away.

Gods. QFE. Truer words never spo... err typed.

Both · 01-03-2007, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Calthine

This is in response to LFG's puzzlement about why, when he tries to be funny, women get mad at him.

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The following is true of 99% of all men I've known who really have problems understanding why women are always mad at them.

Talking about sex all the time is not cute. Trying to get out of trouble by being sexy and cute and funny instead of trying to understand the woman is bad. It invalidates the woman's point of view. It says "I want to fuck you and don't care about your mind, or you as a person." Never try to shut a woman up by being cute and sexy. Try listening.
Women need to know you understand their point of view, even if you don't agree. Invalidating their point of view by not listening (even if you think it's silly), or worse, invalidating their right to a point of view, will keep you lonely a long time.
Apologizing, buying flowers, or otherwise spending money doesn't make an issue go away. Ever. You cannot always make everything okay by throwing money at it. Recognize that sincerity is more effective than materialism.
Once you are made aware of an issue, you are supposed to remain aware of an issue.
We care about feelings. We expect you to care about feelings more than just what it takes to keep you out of trouble.
Never tell a woman she talks too much. Instead, LISTEN, and try to understand, even if you don't agree. We don't need you to agree. We need you to to attempt to understand.
It is acceptable to talk about the ex in one and only one situation: when directly asked what happened. Other than that? Don't bring her up, ever. We don't care about your ex. Unless we have to deal with her for some reason, like you share custody of children, don't bring her up. Anyone who constantly drags out stories of their ex and how badly they were screwed over still has very real issues and shouldn't be in a relationship yet.
Women like to help people we care about. We are not attacking you when we try to help. Instead of getting defensive try, "I know you're trying to help, but I really want to deal with this on my own." It'll work, I promise. Then allow the woman to have the same response if you offer unsolicited help.
There comes a point where you can't have the last word or be right. The only appropriate last words, for either gender, in a disagreement are "I'm sorry." Saying "I'm sorry" is not admitting you are wrong.

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If you just skimmed over this to post a pithy, sarcastic response about how silly and sensitive women are, or how all women should STFU and give you sexual favors, then this post definately applies to you.

Except 99% of women are vindictive, vengeful, or just plain bat-shit crazy. srsly.

Its not that we don't care, its just...ok, new tact.

You can't expect us to remember why you were upset because your sister's friend Sarah spilled red wine on her new shoes at the company cook out 3 summers ago. IT MAKES NO SENSE.

Ily · 01-03-2007, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Both

You can't expect us to remember why you were upset because your sister's friend Sarah spilled red wine on her new shoes at the company cook out 3 summers ago. IT MAKES NO SENSE.

We expect you to remember it as being upsetting to us if it led to say, you fucking said sister's friend after she became excessively drunk to ease the pain of her stained shoes.

Calthine · 01-03-2007, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Both

Except 99% of women are vindictive, vengeful, or just plain bat-shit crazy. srsly.

I can't disagree with that. Really. Although the percentage would be lower. But if you want one that's NOT petty and vindictive, re-read the OP

And if you find one that's petty and vindictive, move on.

Azealia · 01-03-2007, 03:41 PM

I am so agreeing with Calthine here

Rinion · 01-03-2007, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ily

We expect you to remember it as being upsetting to us if it led to say, you fucking said sister's friend after she became excessively drunk to ease the pain of her stained shoes.

err what? he fucked your sister's friend after she became drunk to ease the pain of stained shoes?

you lost me ily!

everyoneelse made sense though. Damn calthine is a smart old woman. want me to fetch your walker grandma?

Malachani · 01-03-2007, 03:41 PM

Would it be disgustingly sappy of me to say that my bf is a wonderful listener and just an all-around great guy. We haven't really had a disagreement or argument yet, but he has somehow had me apologising profusely for my actions on more than one occasion lol. Even if he doesn't agree with me, he can do so in such a manner as to not make it feel like he doesn't care what I think.

Broomhilde · 01-03-2007, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Both

Except 99% of women are vindictive, vengeful, or just plain bat-shit crazy. srsly.

Its not that we don't care, its just...ok, new tact.

You can't expect us to remember why you were upset because your sister's friend Sarah spilled red wine on her new shoes at the company cook out 3 summers ago. IT MAKES NO SENSE.

All I know are smart, successful, ambitious women. Maybe it's my location, education, who I choose to be around, whatever, but I dont know too many like you described. Even some of the biggest Bitches I have known I learned something important from (think the "Devil wears Prada" female boss type...I had to endure two of them).

But for your second statement, I'll agree. And I dont remember a damn thing anyway. lol!!! I have had my best friends yell at me for stuff like that too!

Ily · 01-03-2007, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rinion

err what? he fucked your sister's friend after she became drunk to ease the pain of stained shoes?

you lost me ily!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Both

You can't expect us to remember why you were upset because your sister's friend Sarah spilled red wine on her new shoes at the company cook out 3 summers ago. IT MAKES NO SENSE.

The point that I was making is that a lot of men will conveniently block out the actual reason that their woman was upset.
Somehow they remember the shoes and the red wine, but manage to forget the REAL reason she might be upset about it.
I was just using fucking as an extreme example....And I think at that point your mind kind of shut down. LOL
=)

Calthine · 01-03-2007, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elanie

Would it be disgustingly sappy of me to say that my bf is a wonderful listener and just an all-around great guy. We haven't really had a disagreement or argument yet, but he has somehow had me apologising profusely for my actions on more than one occasion lol. Even if he doesn't agree with me, he can do so in such a manner as to not make it feel like he doesn't care what I think.

Nope, not sappy at all

Lucky you!

My husband has some selective hearing, but my OP rarely if ever applies. It's not remembering things like "the trash needs to go out when you go to work", which he acknowledged at the time and will now conveniently not remember that I ever said it or he ever acknowledged it.

(He just left for work and forgot the trash!)