Hannah Montana

Vainamoinen · 11-09-2009, 11:47 AM

I've been working on a new line of Hannah Montana household items to peddle to the masses - Hannah Montana dish cloths; Hannah Montana doorstops; Hannah Montana pasta strainers. You get the idea, I hope. It'll be quite the business venture and should net me about One Hundred Gagillion dollars or so.

Anyway, to kick off the sales of these and other "Made in China" household products, I've written this poem. Well, I envision it to be a song, really. A song that some random band with it's finger on the pulse of teen demographics would perform. Like All That Remains, or Rhianna, or Slipknot or something.

Anyway, here it is and keep your eyes peeled for the products at your local Wal-Mart:

My Hannah Montana Doorstop

I’ve grown attached to

My Hannah Montana Doorstop
and
My Lindsay Lohan Letter Opener
and
My Ryan Seacrest Belt Buckle

These things that keep me happy
These things that make me wanted

These things that keep me
These things that keep me wanting

I’ve grown detached from

My True Nature Oven Mitts
and
My Original Thought Egg Timer
and
My Soul Searching Bath Mat

These things that keep me going
These things that keep me growing

These things that keep me
These things that keep me groaning

My Hannah Montana Doorstop
speaks to me
from far off
stardom
it heals me
with gilded silver
sparkle
it tames me
in simple forms of
sunshine

Udoaka · 11-09-2009, 11:49 AM

icKx · 11-09-2009, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vainamoinen

A song that some random band with it's finger on the pulse of teen demographics would perform. Like All That Remains, or Rhianna, or Slipknot or something.

BrokeNCYDE imo.

Vainamoinen · 11-09-2009, 12:29 PM

Never has there been a more accurate commentary on the dichotomy that we, as human beings, face from the cores of our souls on out.

Pink Poodle · 11-09-2009, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by icKx

BrokeNCYDE imo.

the voice of 2009

Udoaka · 11-09-2009, 01:37 PM

<3 Brokencyde. Seen them live like 5 times. They are awesome.

Vainamoinen · 11-09-2009, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pink Poodle

the voice of 2009

The voice of the last quarter of 2009.

In order for these "voices" to remain loud and pertinent, they need to be replaced on a semi-regular basis with different hairstyles and record labels.

Udoaka · 11-09-2009, 02:48 PM

tbh

Vainamoinen · 11-09-2009, 02:58 PM

You and PP should get married and live happily ever after, tbh.

icKx · 11-09-2009, 03:05 PM

CRABCORE SON

(crabcore refers to the bow legged i'm-about-to-shit-my-pants stances of the guitarists, pause at 1:17)