You may know her as Cammy, Camlina, Audren, Errione, Ettiena, Jocelyn, Evelynn, Jareth.
I tried to keep personal info out of my post (phone numbers, emails and such)
Oh Cammy, i thought you were the sweetest girl I had ever met, and i'm sure most would agree. I'm sure many people know her, she's IMO one of the best wardens i've ever met.
I was never looking for a relationship in EQ. Before Cammy, i woulda made fun of someone for it, but it can be hot as i'm sure some know
. So it started out as friends and just sorta happened from spending time together i guess. I thought you were so sweet, so nice, so adorable. I actually decided to be completely open, base our relation ship off of trust and communication. Tried being honest and not playing games for a change because I thought she was special.
But I have a saying:
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
Fool me three times and i make an ass out of myself just to embarrass you.
Not once, not twice, but three times I was duped. Three times i was used and abused. The whole time trusting her, expecting her to be as open and honest with me as i was with her. That was a mistake. But anyways, onto the story....
Oh Cammy, I remember our first Christmas together, it was around the time we first started falling in love(?)
Just like two love birds...(yeah i have to throw the sappy pics in for the ladies)
Having fun, getting closer. She had just gotten back to the game a month or two before these pics, she was one of the first people i've met in the game, such a sweetheart.
Snowball fights with random noobs, the good ol' days, not a care in the world, just enjooying each others company. I loved spending time with you even then. We did everything in DoF together.
we did every quest in KoS together. All through the winter our romance continued, we had each other even though our guild was colapsing (miss yall AD). We started hanging out with some new friends... and it was my first taste of things to come... we had already been intimate over yahoo/eq We were talking about our feelings for each other. And the next thing i know, she's spending all her time with our Guardian friend. I don't know what to think. I want to trust her. I was falling in love with her... but the truth slowly comes about.
What this is, I later found out, is confusing girl speak for "I found someone else I want to flirt with more then you". I would have been more ok with it if she had outright said it, but I'm not always keep on girl speak, and she was going through a lot of stress at home, so i believed her. Trusted her.
I don't know if you have a thing for guardians, or is it guild leaders, or is it raid tanks? cause all three times those three categories applied.
...
And a lonely man mourns the loss of his love, but doesn't lose hope
Reminiscing on the good old times...
I bet you say that to all the guys...
Oh Cammy, over and over i'd just ask for you to tell me the truth so I could just move on. I do believe you here, I don't know why I do, but I do. But later when he'd come up you'd always say you just had feelings for him and didn't act on them, thinking that made things ok. I was still a sad sad man those months. You still went from wanting to be with me every day, to treating me like a stranger and dodging me. I don't know why once you find a new guy you have to treat me like I meant nothing to you. You used to tell me you always wanted to stay friends no matter what, guess that changes when a new guard/guildleader/raidtank comes into town.
I really don't know what happened to change things. I convinced her to spend time with me a couple times, and i think the guard got jealouse cause he knew how she was with him when she and i were together, so he just stopped comming around.
Oh Cammy, I had just moved on. Gotten a new guild, some nice raid gear. I had just gotten over you and then you come calling, come to me all sad, all lonely, and i was the poor sap who was there for you. You came back to me, telling me you always loved me. You clung to me, we clung to each other. In love again(?) Visiting our old spots in DoF
It was quite romantic, if i do say so
I cheered her up, Got her to come raid with my new guild. Showed her how to have fun again, I always just wanted to make you smile. It made me so happy to hear you laugh.
(inserting this pic here, forgot it till i finished)
And we flirted again, grew close again...
I always tried to be considerate. I always tried to look out for you, I never wanted you to do anything you didn't want to do.
And the power of music!!!! (Maroon5, shiver i think) Look at the shift in Attitude from 3 to 7 AM which was spent in vent
And a little monologue from Cammy. Oh Cammy, that was a fun night
I always tried to cheer you up. I never liked it when you were upset. I loved you.
And what happened soon after
...
MMm hmm. What would you be worried about saying in front of me again? I actually trusted you here, believed you. You made me feel like an ass for being jealous, you made me feel guilty for no reason at all. Not flirting eh? This is where the second wave of lies started. I wonder who the next replacement will be... oh look... it's a guardian... it's a guild leader... it's a raid tank...
You always give me double standards. It's ok for you to be jealous but when i get a little jealous you flip out. And I even tried never to get mad at you about it, I tried yelling at the other guy, but I got shit for that too.
Ah and the power of vent. And I always hated my voice on home video's go figure lol
another one for the romantics ^ I try to please all audiences
More Solo performances
And one of my roommates almost catches me with my pants down.... literaly
It was a nice long run of love, well i thought it was love. I loved you Chrissy. Maybe it was just lust for you. You still would have flipped out if i had told someone not to flirt with my love.
NOTE*** Take special notice of this next pic, She tells me later that whenever we talked about visiting it was always as friends. Why do you always twist things on me. The least I deserved was honesty. I hate it when things don't make sense, I'm good at figuring things out... but there's just no chance for logic in the crazy game of love
And again things get strained. Weren't you just talking about being intimate when you visited just a few images ago??? Hmmm. I think you were just trying to make me go crazy. I'm not a big fan of mind games.
I just wanted to spend some time together, I just wanted to show you How much fun we can have together. But you already had been flirting with your new flame for a while. I wonder who it is. Surely not the guy you told me not to be jealous of earlier right??
You had put me through such mind loops the first time. I'd keep asking you to tell me what you wanted, I'd keep asking you questions and would get a different answer each time or you would just say, I already told you, and leave it at that. That was BS chrissy. You coulda just told me the truth, but thanks to the mind games I have these Logs
I had just taken a week or two off because
Oh it's Kaelin you liked, not Naggash. I was such an ass for being jealous. I can't believe you made me feel guilty for getting jealous.
I would have never logged any of this before. That's why I don't have any dirty Pics of our first romance. Through all three times, I never took a single screenshot of us cybering.... on purpose
During a raid no less, you little minx, always loved distracting me
.... and i bet I still topped the Parse
I was even more depressed this time. I was like, I know she loves me this time. I trust her. And then she pulled the rug out from under me. After days of me being a pathetic sap and begging her to just talk to me I finally took a break from the game. It made me depressed just to log in. I have done almost everything in EQ2 with Chrissy. I've known her since we were both level 10 or so. Feb22 2005 i think?
yeah i'm a sap.
And then what happens...?
Did she really miss me, or was it just because she was upset Naggs wasn't letting her come with on Chel Drak raids??
She sends me a love song (Black Roses Red) She gives me her new cell number. I think she misses me right? I had just gotten over you Chrissy. Again!
She does miss me!!!! I was so happy. I was such a fool. It went slow from there. She still had feelings for the other guy. But then she went out of town for vacation, away from her computer, away from her man. And I got her to do something naughty for me one night with her phone
then the very next day she tells me she has feelings For Nags, I say so you think it's ok to put your phone down your pants for some other guy to buzz while you have feelings?? and she says, oh it was just in fun. Joking or something, yeah right. Sorry but that's not what I look for in a woman, though for some reason I blinded myself to it for you.
So i'm pissed right, she comes back to me, flirts with me, sends me a love song, gives me her cell number, is naughty with me, then tells me she has feelings for someone else. Were you trying to fuck with my head? So I log in EQ2, say in a channel that both Nags, cammy and I are in. How does Naggs feel about you putting your phone in your panties for me last weekend in disneyland?? lol, and I think that did something.
Thanksgiving comes, we still talk a little, I'm out of town, and she tells me naggs dumped her. It's like she wants to be with me again but she's not sure. And i convince her that I love her, say that things can work, we just have to keep communicating, we have to work out any problems that come up or they'll just keep popping up. She's not sure, but gives us a shot and ends up telling me that I was right about everything.
Telling each other how much we love each other. I meant it.
Do you really love love love love me Chrissy? I believed you. I would have done anything for you.
we make little fae alts together, had some time alone, without being bugged, falling back in love
I really thought things were going to work out this time. I thought we'd keep communication going, we'd work through anything that comes up. I was willing to compramise Chrissy.
^ Lies
Maybe i was wrong here, I was trying to be flexible, was trying to find a way we could both be happy, but you wouldn't have it any way but your own.
^Things are gong well again, I always tried to do something you wanted to do, I would have played anywhere you wanted me to. I just was happy to be with you. You always Brightened up my day. I loved you so much. Boy was I a Fool. You found a new man.
I didn't suspect at first. I trusted you. I wanted to show you I could control my jealousy. But things started being a little awkward. I talked to a friend of mine. He told me some things about his relationship, his girl associating him with her father, her rebeling, cpossibly cheating, they had a long talk about it and are close then ever. So i tried talking to you about it, because I see the same things. Even now on the phone, when you talk to me. When you fucking are gracious enough to grace me with the presence of your voicelol you talk to me like only one person I've heard you talk to before, and that was your father on the phone... but you just get pissed at me for mentioning it.
My friend also told me that You'd get bored, and find a new guy close by you who excited you just because of the fact that it was all "new and exciting" and that worried me. And I came to you, I told you my worries so you could tell me i'm a fool. but what did you do? you went and threw up after I told you what I was worried about.
Me thinks you had already lived up to that fear. I just don't know, I can't trust what you tell me anymore. But IMO it's not an ordinary response.
Guess what kinda char it is? Guard? check, Guild Leader? check, Raidtank? check. what a fucking joke.
You even tell me now chrissy that you two aren't seeing each other, but I know the signs now, I don't blindly trust you anymore. You and him are being the same way you and I were, the same way you and the other two were. Logging in, spending all your time together, logging out at the same time. You have his name in your bio FFS. You spent Nights alone in his EQ house with him when we'd fight. Two nights, and I was trying to show you I could be better, I was trying not to be jealouse because you always gave me such a guilt trip for it before. I didn't say anything to you because I trusted you for one last time, and I was screwed for it. Third time you go in there i say something and you jump down my throat.
I loved you Chrissy. I don't know why you have to treat me like such trash after you're through with me. Used goods I guess, tho you'd always get pissed at me when i'd say that. but it's true. You used, abused, and tossed me aside like some trash and I'm sick of it. I loved you with all of my heart. Would have done anything for you. But have fun with some guy who just wants you cause he knows you spread your cyber legs.
The worst part is all these times you've dumped me for another online relationship that's probably going nowhere. If ours went nowhere then none of yours are. Personally I think you have a problem being faithful. I think you put yourself in situations that are unhealthy for a relationship, and it's bullshit that you'd do that to me.
I read to you till you fell asleep when you had asthma attacks. You told me you needed me, you told me you always loved me, you asked me not to leave you, and I stayed. And I got FUCKED FOR IT.
I told Cammy i'd write a flame like this back in fall, i was begging her to just talk to me. I lost friends over that. I never did it. I still cared too much about you to hurt you Chrissy. I just don't deserve how you treat me like shit now. I was always there for you. I was already having stress at home, I tried to tell you. I needed you around. But you weren't there for me. You were always allowed to need me, but whenever I told you I needed you to just keep me company, talk to me, watch a movie together, whatever, you'd say "no you don't" "You're fine"
I started to think I was some crazed jealous man because you'd always jump down my throat if i got the slightest bit jealous. You'd yell at me for making you feel guilty about excluding me, BUT YOU MADE ME FEEL GUILTY FOR NO REASON. I had a right to be jealous. you fucked with my head chrissy, I loved you. Why did you have to let me get so attatched and then you just stopped over and over, then treated me like everything meant nothing to you. I beg you just to talk to me. I even just called you now because I didn't want to do it. But you hung up on me.
I just wish you had been honest with me from the start Chrissy. I know you played your word games to try not to hurt me, but you ended up hurting me far more then the truth ever would have
Farewell LDL, I'll miss some of you
An Ode to Cammy (image heavy)
