Unresteditor

A preface by the editor:
Our last edition included some views regarding the charitable organization known as "Revelations." We received multiple complaints that all the facts were not on the table. This was verified by the fact that no one in the organization seemed to realize they were being as critically viewed as Five Rings, this is a newspaper and as such we don’t discriminate, we objectively hate you all equally. While this paper will uses literary devices such as satire and rhetoric to get the point across, make no mistake, we are making fun of you, even if you’re incapable of understanding it; and you deserve to be belittled for not understanding. We stand by our previous reports and offer this supplemental, a second look:
Rev’s Ramparts being Raided?
- Scandals erupt in local charity
Thursday night, 300hours Zulu, a loud scream is heard on Ventrilo and three people snap immediately at whoever is having troubles with their microphone. Tempers are flaring across the bitter sweet laughter background of how funny flame post 1523 is. The stakes are rising, the pressure mounting, and the challenge gets more challenging.
This might describe a "B" rate action film, yet the truth might shock and scare you. This is the scene comes from the day before this edition comes out. That makes it current, almost live, except possibly fictional.
With journalistic impact at an all time peak, certain groups are finding their public viewing as instrumental in defining who they are. Revelations is no exception. "Posts: 33" says one guild leader’s count on a high visibility reputation based website.
So when scandals erupt, so does turmoil within. Sources recently revealed that this mogul family guild is capable of being disbanded and scattered to winds, known only in the pages of lore that fill the ebon book of death <homage.>
"If it can happen to Vagabonds, can it happen to us? More importantly, when will it happen," we loosely paraphrase ourselves whereas we can’t sue ourselves for libel.
The turmoil - "I find it funny how much these writers seem to know about the high end guilds, including things that are generally kept secret, or are very obscure." It seems a leak within the organization is spilling forth all it’s classified strategies and general insecurities.
The buckler of swashes was once again interviewed and commented, "I didn’t leak any Revelations strats," and in a whispered aside continued, "I leaked Vaga’s."
Five Rings comments, "................................................. ..............................." The silence continued for 12 more hours, about the same amount of time it took for them not to kill the Pumpkin Headed Horseman.
But the focus on halfling mischief making was curbed with promises of more to come, while Revelations has clearly taken the ‘mantle,’ work-in-progress strategies are being substituted for solid game play. These troubles are mounted by a myriad of other minor offenses by organization members, while the leadership desperately tries to plug holes.
Innocent sounding questions are asked, "Did you really say that? Who did you tell that to, the editor has to be someone you told or they wouldn’t know. If we try to pretend we started staying quiet first, will anyone believe that Five Rings was just copying us after we made so much fun of that decision on the boards?"
Fears were leaked by several unconfirmed sources. By unconfirmed, we feel obligated to report we mean confirmed in the religious sense of seminary school, we fact checked and can prove that and this assertion with this statement from Trajja (who when uncombined with Mellissa lacks any worthwhile ‘bastard’ization of the name,) "It’s not about fact finding, it’s about making me sound better. No body cares what the truth is, they only care that they get something out of whatever truth is presented. In effect, truth is simply a temporary means of greed."
This statement was capitalized almost two months later when The Vuz rejoiced in being flamed as a desperate and horny person, and proceeded to flame Five Rings for being "cock mongering noobs."{sic}
To our readers that are not aware of the meaning of the term "mongering" we can only assume that it is derivative of monger which is a dealer of a specific commodity. With the qualifiers of "cock" and "noobs" we can only assume The Vuz is upset with Five Rings not speaking because that entails limiting his dealings with what The Vuz apparently wants so desperately to be tapped with.
A further calamity in the guild occurred when one guild leader was accused of dealings with thugs and white rappers. As the story broke, it was revealed to be a much more grave situation.
"Our current leader is a wanna-be gang-banger!" exclaimed Embries, a new member that hasn’t fully realized his place in their world, and has oft been described as foolhardy and rash-of-tongue by even the most steadfast of friends.
The worst problem arose when a shipment of Mydol was lost at sea. While the leaks from within, lack any real information on why this was a problem, we can only assume that a greater majority of the population was saddened by the loss.
Yet the charity work carries on. One source revealed a constellational belt of efforts being taken to help the world. After a raid on Friday night, a mandible of duelists began chasing bot farmers down, opening trades of "RL4Gold" and other various means to disrupt the farming process, including the trademarked, "Let’s duel, I’ll prove I’m better than you!" tactics that until recently were only used to assert authority in flames battles. These duelists took one from the team and endured two hours of the harassment to send them back from whence they came. The source claims, "I don’t think I’ve ever been insulted in Chinese before..." HH, working in tandem finished, "because he’s never noticed his prostitutes critique him afterwards."
Yet despite the overwhelming tide of evidence against Revelations, they still prove to have the strong showing of guild force on the server. The longest week will end, the guild leader repressed memories of NoT growing up in the ghetto, and everyone decided that the Unrest Report deserves a big "FUCK YOU!" by way of diminutive laughter and lack of intelligent response, thus, life carries on.
(Tsuf Potshotatu, Unrest Today Staffer)
Editor’s Note:
The lack of intelligent response was in reference to those therein being attacked. The moderators, much like Unrest guild leaders, do not question their own intelligence nor allow others to except in cases where their back is turned, they are not capable of realizing such questions, or their cohorts are capable of exerting power over them.
Safe gold, fun for you and guild, see gold farm programs, *************
Hopeful Heritage, Deplorable Direction
-Permission to speak does not yield any obligation to do so.
The level 60 chat channel was hijacked recently by an unknown terrorist cell called Heritage. Rather than crash the channel into the any of the five large towers (Rev., FR’s, ED, Para, Nightcap) they instead simply took the channel out for a "joyride."
"Blah blah blah, look at us too, we’re almost as good as you, blah blah blah, etc. etc...." was the last recorded words from that fateful flight, spoken by what audio recognition scientists can only deem to be a desperate man besieged with too much sugar and not enough real life, possibly a fury in his late 60's or early 70's.
It’s this last revelation (no puns intended) of information that has scientists concerned. "We can only assume that people would gain wisdom over time, so why should these people with the most time on their hands be doing dangerous and stupid things like this?" stated one sage, oblivious to the mass amount of wisdom her class obtains to heal.
Stealing planes has now become somewhat of a trend. In the neighboring city of EQ-PC, Plane OK1 is stolen on nearly a minutely basis by some jackass that feels his views needs to be heard by the public at large, a trend that some theologists can unnatural.
"The GM doesn’t intend for people to abuse their power, their own stupidity and lack of will power does it and we can only hope that the GM will invoke Justice rules and put everyone with negative faction in a cell," commented one alchemist with Heritage, unwittingly on himself.
"We thought that the planes would be a haven of high level people only, it turns out we were wrong."
When residents of EQ-PC moved to EQ2, they came without learning from the mistakes of the past.
"When we got into 60 chat, we assumed it would be for high level members only."
The qualifier for entrance into Plane OK1 does not any longer exist, yet for our city there is one major requirement, "You have to have a level numerical value equal to or great than the bottom rung of the top tier percentile that is currently standard," explains Krommus, a long-winded raid leader with the administration, shortly before their uncomfortable silence.
Many cases of this standard being reached without reaching the connotations of being l337 are reported hourly.
Wov terrorists hold countless scores of people hostage to their incessant rambling because, wanting to make the record clear that they were the first to 60. Yet many people, who choose to remain Nameless, refute their evidence by saying "You cheated." As if anyone truly cared, a Pandemonium broke out when, much like the guild of the same name, had a lot of people talking, no one listening. The situation was further complicated by the fact that while they have a lot of members, no one really knows one personally. One member of a terrorist cell known as the W.U.R.I stated, "Ka chee ta loma. JE KRIS KA PO TA PRA ZA DENT BOOSH PE TO KO! Bye plat."
Truly inspirational words to us all.
Vukota said, "Just because you’re allowed to speak doesn’t mean you should. Chances are you have nothing worth hearing to say. I know that no one in my guild does, that’s why I’m duct taping their fingers to prevent them from coming here, and instead, allowing them to mercilessly be as stupid as they please in level chat."

Unresteditor

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>CLASSIFIEDS<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< <<<
WTB: a working set of balls, must not twist up while wearing panties, CMIG -Argyuile
Safe gold, fun for you and guild, see gold farm programs, *************
WTB: Platinum, we’ll contact you -The reason plat farmers still exist
Safe gold, fun for you and guild, see gold farm programs, *************
WTB: A soul in good or still savable condition, must fit a size extra small chest, must not be defiled, CMIG-SwiftPoison
Safe gold, fun for you and guild, see gold farm programs, *************
WTS: One slightly defiled soul, no longer salvageable, fits neatly in the rosy palm of your hand, willing to use as partial payment for new on, CMIG-SwiftPoison
Safe gold, fun for you and guild, see gold farm programs, *************
WTS: My body (balls not included) for sex........ cheap........... really really cheap............. cheaper than the shots I’ve taken at Five Rings! -The Vuz
You buy plat our trade4game.com yes okie
Safe gold, fun for you and guild, see gold farm programs, *************
Safe gold, fun for you and guild, see gold farm programs, *************

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>HOROSCOPE<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< <<<<<<
Aquaris - You will receive at least two plat spam tells in your next game session, a friend will poke fun at you and your guild "Shine" will gain a moment of noteriety and then you will be completely forgotten again.
Leorra - Start to recognize that people won’t get along with you. Probably because while you think you’re a freaking riot, people aren’t laughing with you, they’re laughing at you. Best to just stay inside this month and eat ice cream, play a video game all day and try not to piss people off.
Scorpeana - We looked long at hard at the stars, and they are just stars. You’re not important or known enough to take a potshot at. Thank your lucky stars you went to Vanguard.
Geminye - Welcome to 60 chat, expect random tells from people you don’t know cause your name was mentioned here.
Tauron - Despite your greatest attempts to be someone special in level chat, the Iron Legion shall fade into obscurities and you’ll be filing paperwork for the local charity for acceptance.
All other signs - Oddly enough the Unrest community doesn’t have a lot of names that available puns to finish this for all signs. Expect backlash for a thinly veiled attempt to flame two particular people.
Safe gold, fun for you and guild, see gold farm programs, *************
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Letters to the Editor<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Dear Unrest Today,
Why do you have so much spam in your paper for plat sellers?
-Looking for Groupies
Dear Looking for Groupies,
We here at Unrest Today hate plat spam. We don’t have any constructive ideas on how to fix it so we’re doing joining the class action and doing what everyone else does about it: We’re adding to the spam in protest, flaunting the name so that it cannot be forgotten, and doing what the plat spammers may have intended all along, getting the name out there.
Also, they are our financial support right now. Like SoE, we are not a non-profit, we are a business and we have expenses, in order to pay our production costs we have allow them their spam. We get a cut from what they sell and pretend to hate them as much as you, but in truth we really just like their money and can’t see beyond that.
Dear Unrest Today,
My guild leader is fucking one of my guildies and now he gets all the loot. I do not care about loot, I only play the game to have fun, but I want us to move forward as a guild. What should I say to my guild leader regarding this unfair practice?
Thanks for nothing,
Unrest Everyman
Dear Unrest Everyman
Nice anonymous letter name. Seriously, you think everyone has this problem? What you should say is the truth. The truth is that your guild leader, and to whomever is worthy of the loot distributed are probably virgins. This should be evident in the way they talk; a high and mighty counter on innuendo laced remarks, countless mentions on sexual orientation, the fact that they play a video game all day. If it is a DKP guild, the distributor and distributee have DKP numbers inditing a lack of infidelity. If it is a merit system, the earner worked hard for it or the distributor has a strong reason to award the loot. It could be that the person has earned it, that the person will make best use of it, that if this person doesn’t receive said item faction forces will rip the guild in half. The distributor is making the best choice for the guild to help move it forward. So you must not be concerned about moving the guild forward or you would see a real reason that loot was being placed in that person’s hand. If the system is random and based off the roll of dice, then yes, your guild leader is hacking the game to give a fuck buddy a higher chance at winning imaginary hush gifts and you shouldn’t speak to the guild leader, you should speak to his or her spouse, that will solve all your problems and you will have the loots that you really want to keep the game fun for you.
Dear Unrest Today,
I am a 70 berserker on the Winds of an up-and-coming guild. Much to my Demise, no one knows who I am or lets me into their close circle of friends. I’ve tried pretending I’m part of their inside jokes, I’ve tried making our own inside jokes, I have even tried hanging out in the places were they hang out. Somehow I still feel invisible and my class doesn’t even get invisibility, does it?
Sincerely,
Bulcay
Dear Bulcay,
No. Berserkers do not get invisibility as a class CA. Was that your question?
Dear Unrest Today,
I’ve recently received a made-up rank title in a guild no one really cares about. I am having problems getting in with the cliques on the server. I’ve tried reiterating whatever the guy before me just said, I’ve tried to pretend like I understand what inside jokes are about. I’ve tried making inside jokes of my own to share with them. I have gone so far as to stalk them and pretend like I’m really apart of their team. Somehow I feel like I’m invisible and the Templar class does not receive an invisibility ability naturally. What is your advise?
Sincerely,
Rep. Mistral Beholder Mistral Beholder
Dear Representative Mistral Beholder x2,
Foremost, the staff likes your open ended question, it really allows us to dig to the source of the problem without demanding us to stay in any specific guidelines. The advise we impart is just this; Do you really want to join this clique?
Kurt Vonnegut once said, "Well, the telling of jokes is an art of it’s own, and it always rises from some emotional threat. The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful."
The jokes you see in 60 chat are usually these dangerous jokes. When The Vuz uses humor, it is a defense mechanism. It tortures others because It is afraid that It is vulnerable to being attacked Itself. It pokes fun at Itself because It sees the weakness in Itself and fears them.
The potshots aimed at the administration are hurtful. They wish to destroy the last shreds of dignity and respect they have for themselves. If the administration losses this, they loss any ability they have to raid. Subconsciously, the psychiatrists of our favorite local charity know this and nurture it. They nurture it because they are pathetic and so very alone on the top, they feel that in helping others they might feel better about themselves.
It is a cutting world. Full of pain and misery. If it were, the news wouldn’t have need to exist, everything would be typed up in neat congratulatory newsletters. No one likes newsletters unless their name is in it. And if your name isn’t in it, you make damn sure it’s in the news.
If you so chose to join their world of suffering and wiping to learn the next encounter, know that no one will hold your hand, coddle you, or spare your feelings at even the greatest of your insecurities. As Arronaf, no relation to TraMel, once wrote on these very forums, " Do or say stupid shit and people will call you on it."
Which brings me to this, if you really want to be apart of the clique, put yourself on the pedestal of greatness and start dodging the stones. Do something that threatens the greatness of someone above you. Say that you killed Hurranicuss when you can’t even spell his name properly. If you really want to say something that is truly stupid, visit the great charity and they will lead you by example of how to be a holistic priggish speaker while still maintaining the humility of an oblivious outcast fighting with better pretend weaponry than the other oblivious outcast that doesn’t realize his mentally fabricated weaponry is lesser.
The only other hint or course of action I could possibly recommend is alluding the funniest jokes being the most dangerous in their truths. Do this the next time Leorra makes a joke regarding "her" sexual exploits, desires or in-game conquests. You’ll have an "inside joke" that really makes an impact on her clique and will put you under the scrutiny of all the hate in their world.

LFG

This guy owns.

__________________

Leorra

Now that I'm (in)famous can I pls request a kewl title like "The Vuz"?

2nd edition was pretty good, I had to have some of my guildies explain the Plane OK1 thing as I missed that in chat channels. We still want MORE OMG!!!

You're a fucking ninja knowing about messing with the plat farmers!

We fully realized we were being dissed in the first post but it was still funny shit we dont take ourselves THAT seriously.

Well maybe The Vuz does

Leorra

It could be a woman you never know.

Lankyskater77

Ya how the did you know about us fuckin with the plat farmers!?!?

Arronaf

Anyone who can't poke fun at their own guild would not make it in Revelations. At times we have to get somewhat serious to raid. But anyone who spends as much time infront of a computer playing a game has to come to it with some kind of a sense of humor.

__________________


Click me if you dare!

Unresteditor

A minor correction to the "Posts: 33" should now read "Posts: 34"

Again you can contact us at Unrest_Today_Editors_Desk@hotmail.com

Sources will be kept anonymous, but we require a name to verify information.

Arronaf

Because I like your newspaper I am going to give you a picture for the white rappers....

That is right the Icy Hot Stunnaz are members of Revelations....

Good or Bad we will see.

__________________


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valnas

wanna be my ass, trajjamell has enough street cred to get charitable donations with no bloodshed or threats.